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March 2000
Volume 2 Issue 2

Feature of the Month:

World Ends Tommorrow 11:45 a.m.

One Half hour later in Newfoundland

White House Officials and Canadian Parliament announced jointly today that the world will end tommorrow morning at 11:45 a.m. when the planet will enter the rings around Saturn and all inhabitants of earth will be flung out into space.

The Energizer Bunny is making life hazardous for the residents of the planet earth
Snowman (2035k -AVI Format)

This highly unusual event takes place amid speculation of a terrorist plot by the Energizer Bunny who kept "going and going" in the opposite direction to the earth's rotation around the sun which caused reverse polarity and excessive centrifical force.

This has caused the earth to be hurled out of its natural orbit around the sun and headed it towards an imminent collision with Saturn.

The earth is expected to be crushed by the asteroids in Saturn's rings as it passes through.

The White House claims to be furiously working towards a solution to this impending doom, but as they approach the deadline to stop this disaster, they claim all attempts have been futile.

When commenting on the White House's inability to come up with an action plan in time to save the world, Vice President, Monica Lewinski said, "It's not the first time we've blown it."

She further stated that she was continuing to meet with the President behind closed doors, but at this time they were keeping things under the table and they would inform the press "if something new pops up."

Quebec President, Kisala Derriere of the newly formed Potty Party, (Plotters of Treacherously Totalitarian Yahoos) issued a communiqué through her official translator over her distress with the current crisis situation.

Cover Headlines

Features: Wasn't that a Stinker?

Weird: Robber Really Bungles Robber's Bum Cheque

Health: On Nicotine Withdrawal

Features: Kitty Kabobs may be answer to World Food Crisis

Fun with Grapes - A Case Study
Patrick R. Michaud, pmichaud@pobox.com

Using only cheap, readily-available equipment, you can create a spectacular lightshow in the comfort of your very own kitchen, providing hours of fun and excitement for your family, friends, and pets!

Ordinary grapes, when properly prepared and microwaved, spark impressively in an extremely entertaining manner. See Fun with Food.

Choice Pick of the month Click Here!!

"Madame Derriere aches and finds she cannot sit well of the POTTY issues at this time."

Her translator continued, "This appears to be a very sore spot for her."

Doomsayers may not have to waited to be hurled out into orbit say experts at OHGEE (Observatory Has Grants Endlessly Evident). Already the surface of the earth has been pelted with small to moderated sized asteroids which are striking increasingly more often as our planet nears Saturn's rings.

The largest of these asteroids to impact the earth thus far, was the 30 meter asteroid, named the Reefer, in honour of astronomer, Charles Reefer, who discovered the asteroid just before it impacted on Wednesday.

Reefertotally decimated the small village of Bear River in Southwestern Nova Scotia, leaving a crater on half mile in diameter.

Newfoundlanders are said to be partying over the impending event. They believe the world will end one half hour later than for the rest of the planet.

Canadian authorities have been working on a way of either slowing down the Energizer Bunny or reversing his direction. The Prime Minister is said to be an old adversary and is familiar with the Bunny's subversive tactics and claims to be no fool when it comes to splitting hares.

Canadian Prime Minister, L. Mer Fudd stated, "We'll get that wascally wabbit!"

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